Kingsman: The Golden Circle Review: Dial It Up to 11 and Never Stop!

Date

September 28, 2017

Kingsman: The Golden Circle is hitting theaters everywhere but should you join the exclusive circle of this movie viewers? Should you spy your way into the cinemas or ignore this royally cinematic extravaganza? As you can see, I’m still working on my puns. But really, should you see the “proper” spy movie? Ultimately, it is a movie worth seeing, however, it does seem like a bit of a let down when compering the sequel to the original.

According to the Hollywood logic, sequels need to be bigger – if the Secret Service was a bit wacky, the sequel amps up the crazy up to 11. In one of the first scenes, we see a person crammed into a meat grinder and a hamburger made out of said person. If the first movie had an over the top plot and a lady with blades for legs, the second installment has a pair of robot dogs and even wackier plot. They say that the hero is only as good as the villain, the same can be said about Kingsman: the Golden Circle. In this case, the villain is Poppy (played by Julianne Moore) who is seemingly absent from the movie. She plays the head of a worldwide drug cartel and lives in a remote island in the middle of nowhere. But she envies that alcohol and cigarettes are legal and wants fame, so she poisons all the drugs in the world. The poison kills a person within a week or so and she blackmails the U.S. president into legalizing all the drugs if the president wants Poppy to release an antidote. But here’s a twist – the president sees this as an opportunity to get rid of all the druggies and cages an insane amount of infected people in the stadiums and just waits until they all die. Also, Poppy destroys the Kingsman headquarters and kills every agent except Eggsy and Merlin. Everyone’s dead: Roxy’s dead, even Eggsy’s adorable puppy JB is dead. Finding themselves in a bit of a pickle, our heroes visit the Statesman, Kingsman’s American cousins and together they team up to thwart Poppy’s plans. In addition, Colin Firth is back as Harry Hart, but that is a whole different story.

You see, when the first movie actually was like a James Bond movie mixed with a little Austin Powers in it, the second one feels like it’s been reversed and it’s up to you if it is a good thing or not. In terms of cast, everybody was great. The original crew of Taron Egerton, Colin Firth and Mark Strong are joined by Jeff Bridges, Julianne Moore, Halle Berry, Pedro Pascal, and Channing Tatum. There is also Elton John for some reason. The studio was very brave to go with a bunch of nobodies in the sequel. Unfortunately, having such a stellar cast is compensated by the fact that these guys are barely in the movie. Seriously, Channing Tatum had about 2 minutes of screen time.

Regardless of all its flaws, Kingsman: the Golden Circle is helluva fun and you should not miss it. It’s just that the first movie seemed to have been more composed. Obviously, the movie gets a definitive score of VIVALASVEGAN out of 10.

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Yeah, well, you know, that's just like, uh, your opinion, man: